Today is the last day of Maternal Mental Health Week… and instead of sharing a struggle… I want to step back and look at how far I’ve come, and where I want to go from here (both in life, and with the blog 😉)

The first place I searched for help was online. I googled EVERYTHING. I eventually found a Birth Trauma support group which has connected me with tons of other women who have experienced a wide range of situations leaving them with the same emotions I was having. This was super comforting… but can also be a double edged sword. Reading and writing different experiences can be very triggering. In a way we kind of commiserate together… which I definitely needed in the beginning. But now, as I feel like I’m coming out on the other side of it all… I want to make sure that I don’t go backwards. Not that I don’t want to trigger it… but I don’t want to commiserate. When I do read, I try to keep my comments to uplifting support for healing rather than anger for what happened.

Getting professional help was absolutely the most helpful step in this journey. And Postpartum Support International was the first place I started to find it. They were recommended by a friend in the mental health field, (my OB/GYN was NOT super helpful in this area) specifically my state’s chapter, to find therapists who were passionate about maternal mental health.

Through therapy I learned how to take back control of my mind. I was reliving Taylor’s birth constantly and the thoughts were horribly intrusive. I’ve figured out how to catch myself when the thought cycle begins (or when I realize I’m crying, whatever happens first lol 🤷🏼‍♀️), and I use certain techniques to distract myself out of thinking about it and bring myself back to the present. That, as well as just crying all my emotions out til I had pretty much beat the horse dead enough that I don’t have as many tears (aka time)…. has been the most helpful thing.

Medication. Yuppppp I said it. And I take it. I’m not good at taking meds every day… but if I miss a few days, the symptoms, and emotions, start to come back stronger… so I know it’s working. 

Self care. My therapist pushed it and I laughed. I’m a mom! I don’t have time for self care! — but I need to make time. Because a better ME makes a better MOM and a better WIFE…. so everybody wins.

As for the blog… I’m still going to share my struggles as they come. And they will still come.  I have found this whole healing process to wax and wane… some days I feel great! Then I see a beautiful picture of a mom&dad in the OR with the drapes still up holding their brand new baby, and I delve into my emotions for a few days. (It’s not because I don’t want them to have that moment, it’s because I’m so sad that I didn’t.) BUT, especially now that I have shared my story… I want to focus more on healing and making myself better… so that I don’t stay stagnant in my struggles.

As for life… if you read my post about my nursing career… don’t worry… I’m sticking to it for now. But I’m also thinking about other things. Photography? (I do want to buy I real camera. 🤔) Maybe real estate when the kids are all in school? I actually have found a passion in empowering other moms, silver lining of this experience I guess… but I don’t know if that would be too triggering as a profession. Stay tuned.. and I guess we’ll see!